Field Notes: 1st Kopi Date
Farming with D
[Sorry for the delay. My secretary* forgot to schedule the post.]
4 August
I met D (name redacted) this evening for a walk and talk around a grocery store/cafe. I was really very curious about the process, the kits and the boxes that come with the experience and what questions would be like and how all this creates a space to learn about the other person.
I have to say the Kopi Date people are very committed- they made us farmers for the evening, with questions and activities surrounded around fruits, vegetables and produce (we were in a grocery store). I appreciate this level of detail.
Quiet quickly, I learn that the questions provided are a guideline, not a rule and the conversation, like any conversation should flow naturally and as smoothly as possible (ideally). D and I had a very fun and easy conversation, filled with laughs and was very casual and easygoing. (Retrospectively, I think I was entertaining myself but still- I’m a load of fun. )
Afterwards, Kopi Date makes you fill up a feedback form about the experience and your conversation partner. They also don’t pressure you into wanting a second date with the same person and they also offer the opportunity to stay friends. I think it’s important to know that not every interaction with a person of interest will end in a marriage proposal. It does take the pressure off and I also think it is very encouraging to know that friendships are seen as equal. This is something we really need to normalise.
11 August
Upon a week’s reflection, I have two recommendations if you want to try Kopi Date (based on what I’ve experienced so far).
Don’t give feedback/reviews immediately after the meetup. Wait a day or two. Kopi Date offers a reflection booklet in which you can follow the instructions and help you process the date after.
Seriously, read all the resources they give you. It’s helpful. Consider the Dos and Don’ts. Be into the experience. You paid for it ( I didn’t and I’m still reviewing all their material). There is a lot of valid advice that they basically hand to you on a silver platter and all of the reads are less than 2 mins long.
I appreciate the growth mindset attitude that is built into the platform. I suspect that the way to get the best experience is to lean into that.
Do consider all this before opting for a second date- which is a feature they provide.
You can also just politely say, ‘no’.
This week’s curiosities:
If anyone needs Raffles/ Fraquer fan fiction, here you go.
If anyone needs more material on dating, the algorithm has done its job and sent this instgrammer my way. She knows what she’s talking about. Enjoy.
*My secretary is me.